A Quiet Night in Amsterdam


I apologise for the quality of the photo, but it's not often I have a six foot Indonesian ladyboy hanging on to my er...every word.
She is Suki and is one of the barmaids and entertainer's at Le Lebelle's in Amsterdam, a tranny bar where Sam, Suzie, Yvonne and I celebrated my birthday last month.
there I danced, drank and chatted with some very colourful characters, including an ex mega drug dealer who was a friend of Mr Nice, a world famous drug dealer turned public speaker.

Thank you ladies, for such a fabulous birthday and holiday. Suzie, your party piece was just jaw dropping!

I celebrated for at least a week and visited a great bar called Mellow Mela where we danced to a rock/blues/jazz jamming session to the early hours.

I haven't posted much this year but I've been out and about a lot. I go just about anywhere as a girl as well as a boy.

I've travelled abroad by plane as a girl and attended a football match as a girl for the first time this week.

I've incorporated a lot of my femme side into my male side and life is so much more fun and fulfilling and honest than keeping the two separated. I have been lucky in that I have not had any really bad experiences with aggressive types but I am aware that there is always a danger of that kicking off. My tranny friends agree that if one shows confidence when in drag, it is more easily accepted by Joe Public.

I have noticed that quite a few trannies dress really well as a girl but then make no effort at all as a guy. I have heard the comment that " I couldn't care less what I look like as a guy" and I find that hard to understand. I think we should all embrace both sides of our personalities.
OK lecture over.

I love Amsterdam for its people, bars, cafes, bicycles and laid back attitude. I feel very tempted to say that I am going Dutch and I love Edam and eve and even that I Goda quite often but don't want to clog this post with puns or double Dutch entendres.

Gabriel Julie Budd xx

Motown, this year, some time in the future

I just discovered this link to anyone interested in Northern Soul and Motown music.

BBC iPlayer - Northern Soul with Ian Gray: 19/12/2010

I also noticed that I haven't made many posts this year. It has actually been a busy year with some major changes in my life - no not THAT! I will try harder to make more posts next year.

That's me about to go to the Enigma Ball in Bletchley Park, November 2010.


I will say that I have published pics of me as Gabriela on my male Facebook page . I did it because I wasn't comfortable about having to keep an important part of my life a secret any more. I felt that as I am not ashamed of what I do and do not think it wrong in any way, I should follow my convictions and not bow to the prejudice, perceived or real, of society.


I know that there will be smirks from friends and relatives, as being transgendered is still largely an area of ignorance in most people's lives. I hope the more open minded ones will realise that perhaps it is more common than they have thought in the past, as now there is one in their own family or circle of friends. Perhaps this may help a few more people towards more understanding of transgendered people.

In time I hope that society will just accept that everyone is different.


Gabriela xx

NAIL DIVA'S GARDEN PARTY

August 2010
Attended Nail Diva's second Garden Party. The Marquee had been set up and everything was ready to go on Friday 20 August when a gale literally blew the marquee down and turned it upside down.
http://www.tvchix.com/click.php?url=http://www.tg-world.co.uk
She & friends managed to get it all up again that night and it was a show-piece marquee in the end. No one (no names mentioned, Alex) took a camera as far as I was aware. Does that mean its not an official tranny event? Great food and smashing people. I hogged the dance floor and only went to bed when someone switched off the lights at 3:30 a.m.

Earlier I went shopping in little local village co-ops and no-one hinted that they had clocked me. Bless them! The next day I had a barrel of laughs when I went for a drink on my own at lunchtime at The Bolt Hole in Stamford, dressed in my Sunday best fuscia. One regular in the bar eyed me up and down thoroughly so I decided to give her a full view and twirled in front of her. She bent over in laughter and was unable to tell her friends why for laughing so hard. I decided to join her and her friends, met a biker and his daughter and had a really good chat with them. British pubs at their best. Later decided to shop at Tescos and on my way back passed the same pub. I heard one of them shout out " Yes, he has, he's shopped at Tesco's.. look!" Then they came out and shouted bye bye to me. I felt as if I had done a little bit more to make transgendered people more acceptable to the public.

BRIGHTON PRIDE
More lovely genuine people, giggles and laughs at Brighton Pride. Thanks to Jodi and Dani for a great weekend. Loved posing with punters for photos.Great fun transforming from a guy into Gabriela in the changing rooms at Pride camp site. Some of the looks I got were priceless and it was brill to get enthusiastic and encouraging remarks from those who witnessed the transformation.

Then on the Sunday decided to have some fun by pushing the bi-gendered boat out at Brighton Pier- by sunbathing on a deckchair as a guy in brief tomato red shorts and shocking pink toe and nail varnish. Ha! I loved seeing the faces of passers by as they spotted me. It is so easy to get into conversations when one seemingly doesn't give a toss what others think of one.

Latest update

Hi

The last few months have been traumatic. I've lost the love of my life and have been on automatic pilot. I decided to deal with it by meeting lots of people and enjoying the company of anyone who wants a chat or wants to make friends. The result has been lots of new friends and getting out to different places. Its also pushed me into thinking about what I want out of life and to be honest to be a little more selfish than I have been in the past.

I recently went to Nail Diva's party in Stamford, Pink Punters again and my first Pride event, in Brighton. There are lots of lovely people everywhere and I am finding out being single isn't the end of the world.

I'll add some more details as soon as I can.
Take care
Gabriela
xx

AN UPDATE

Just an update. I've been going to Pink Punters about every two weeks for some time now and am loving it. I can totally relax there, dance as I wish and act as I want without feeling that I have to moderate my behaviour, appearance or activities just because I'm actually a guy and may upset others. I get a few strange looks by irregular attendees but on the whole everyone treats me fairly and without prejudice.

I actually like people who are confused by my appearance (and dancing) to ask me questions.

One gay young man told me he was gay and liked men but couldn't understand why I would want to dress up as a female. A club is not the ideal place for a long detailed discussion but I told him that inwardly I was far more comfortable as a female and loved to be treated that way.

I suppose it is a signal to outsiders how you want to be perceived and treated. But really it is about how I feel and I wear clothes that I feel good in, not to cater for anybody else's tastes, although it is very enjoyable to receive compliments.

I now wear eye make up and lipstick quite often when I am out and about, still dressed in drab.

So far people have been far more tolerant than I expected and of course they are more preoccupied with their own busy lives. I would like to put myself forward to publicise the problems transgendered people face. Unfortunately I have to consider the feelings of my family and wouldn't want to cause them any anguish by being more in the public eye.

Having accepted my feminine side I can now be happier being a guy and appreciating everything

that is good and enjoyable for guys. Most men are different and likewise most women are different. However, so many women can be bitchy- its part of their genetic make-up- whereas men will generally have a confrontation with another man and sort any problems in a direct and more final way. I am no bitch (despite the way I am treated!) but neither do I resolve things directly. I just hate conflict.

I have come into more contact with transgendered men who are transitioning. One part of me feels very worried for them. The other part of me admires their courage to change their lives so drastically in order to be happy. I've recently read that all transgendered, whatever they label themselves, can only be happy if they transition and if they call themselves " bi-gendered", they are kidding themselves that they will be happy that way.

I consider myself bi-gendered and could never see my self transitioning but it is food for thought.

Gabriela

xx

How I told my work colleagues I was a tranny.
Or I wish I were in your shoes.

I've been neglecting my blog but maybe that's a healthy sign as I am probably not dwelling on the trials and tribs. of being a tranny and just getting on with it and not soul searching about it so much.


In December I was attending an office party and decided that I was not going to hide the fact I was tranny to my work colleagues any more. So I sent an email to a friendly face there with a picture of me in a gorgeous Vivien of Holloway dress and thanked her for the loan of the hat, which she assumed had been for someone else.
She came back very politely and asked me what the occasion was and I told her about the Christmas party at The Bridge Inn saying " It was for trannies and there were 40 of us there."

Within minutes the email had been sent to different people in the office and one of the girls told me I looked good as a woman and praised my make up. I told her I managed it by a lot of practice.

None of the guys mentioned anything to me and only one woman quizzed me at the Christmas party. She wanted to know about my sexual leanings and I kept it simple and said I wasn't interested in guys, which is true but it is more complicated than that.
Then I expressed surprise that no-one was shocked by my email. She replied " What did you expect? After all, it is XXXXX that you work for. "

After Christmas I expected one or two people to make unhelpful comments and innuendos but it never happened. I don't work full time there so perhaps all the gossip was made when I wasn't around and perhaps hey all have interesting and more colourful lives than I imagine. It obviously helped that they had a week or more to get over it.

The great thing is that now I don't need to pretend and if I want to I can wear jewellery and perhaps some make up if I want to and no-one is going to get over-excited by it- because everyone knows about it and so it wouldn't be a big deal. I think trannies/ transgendered people can be their own worst enemies by treating it as a big deal. As Eddie Izzard said, " It is the 21st century" so people had better get over it and not be " clothes fascists".

I'm not saying all transgendered people should tell everyone they know. Life is far more complicated than that. If we can confide in a few individuals it makes life so much more rewarding.

I met a lovely couple and their daughter at PP last Saturday. Michele, who prefers the term transgendered to tranny or transvestite, has been hounded by some members of the local police and by quite a few busy-bodies who thought they were doing the general public a lot of good and actually suggested that her wife leave Michele. How misguided can some people be?

I am lucky in that few people know about Gabriela in my local community so I manage to get out during the day and at night to the larger community in Milton Keynes where I can blend in with the general public. I've learnt to dress more discretely during the day and that one doesn't have to glam up every time one goes out. The first step is accepting yourself for what you are. Maybe that is the hardest step to take.

A couple of days ago one of my female colleagues asked me if I was wearing eye-liner. I explained I had worn some the previous day and thought I had washed it off. " Oh, it never comes completely off. You look really cool with it. It suits you"

A week ago I attended a business meeting outside my office and decided to wear eye-make up and lipstick. It was a one to one meeting and we had met once before a few months ago. I decided not to apologise or make excuses or explanations about wearing the make up and it worked in my favour. He was obviously unnerved by it at first but managed to calm down and we conducted business successfully. It was a rather clammy and cold handshake that he had at the end though. As far as work goes, I don't intend to suddenly go to work dressed as a woman. But the gates have been opened and if there are more social functions I will consider at least wearing make up and wearing heels. One tottering step at a time.

MY FIRST TIME

No, shopping silly!
It was 10 October 2009. I had a really good day . It was 4:30 and I decided to go to Milton Keynes Centre for my first shopping trip as Gabby.

First of all I went to Tescos garage to test my resolve. It was funny, as I went to enter the garage shop, a grizzled man with a white beard opened the door wide open for me and with a broad grin on his face he beckoned me in with a sweeping gesture of his arm. Ha! I might have made his day as he obviously thought I was a classy woman all dressed in black with a large mustard coloured handbag.(Well the make up was still very good as I had my MAC make up session the previous day).

I just couldn't help smiling at him because of the thought " If he only knew!" It is a nice feeling ,I must admit , even if it was a grizzled old man who opened the door for me. In the shop I told the assistant the pump number in a very quiet voice and another customer at the counter said " Four" at the same time. She got confused and charged me for his bill. I said " No, pump fifteen"
" You said four!" the assistant said in a rude way. I wonder if she would have been that rude if I had been dressed as a guy. I couldn't be bothered to argue as I was in a great mood and they would all have been startled if I had raised my voice.

So I was Gabby all day long- at the mall I went to the MAC counter at Debenhams and Sophie, who did my make-up, recognised me in the queue. I was given a fee sample of the eye shadow I wanted and the other girl, Gemma recognised me as well.They were both very friendly to me.

I then went for a stroll in the mall. It wasn't very full but nobody twigged I was a tranny which was a huge boost to my confidence. Back I walked to Debenhams as most shops were closing. I tried on several jackets and held up dresses to me to see if they suited me and it was a much nicer shopping experience than shopping in drab, as nobody paid any attention to me.

At one point I put my handbag, scarf and bolero down on the floor so I could try several jackets and a shopper picked up my stuff and was about to hand it to the shop counter. I told her it was mine and smiled and she apologised. She didn't realise I was a tranny either! So next time I want to go shopping I will get dressed as Gabby.

My confidence was sky high because of the public make-up session, the photo shoot and my shopping experience. I even used the ladies loo in Debenhams. I thought it was safer than creating a scene by going like that into the Gents. Now I feel that, as long as I am careful and dress sensibly, I can go to most places as Gabby.

As I was all dressed up and still had my make up on so I went out again. I thought I may as well go to Pink Punters as I love it there and I would know people I could chat with.
If any tranny wants to go shopping but is scared, all I can say is the high you get far more than compensates for the fear before you venture to the shops. Do it!
xx

I didn't bargain for that.

Back in October I had another lovely time as Gabby shopping , only the the second time I went shopping as Gabby. I tried on several jackets at M & S, Debenhams and House of Fraser and boughta few things at Superdrug.

Several people spotted that I was a tranny and they all gave a wry smile which I detected and smiled back. Mostly I was totally accepted as a woman and even when I bargained for a holdall at the open market the two guys there didn't twig I was a guy! They were very polite and courteous. Actually it wasn't so much bargaining, I just said asked if they had the same size bag but cheaper and the owner said 'What if we say you can have it for £12 instead of £14 ?'and gave me a shy smile. Did I detect a gleam in his eye? Maybe, but more probably they had twigged me and were amused and playing along with it.

The young girl at Superdrug only realised I was a tranny when I spoke, then we had a brief chat.
Oh, I also tried on shoes at Evans and New Look.
The shops were quite busy. At Superdrug the guy in front of me dropped his credit card and he walked away quickly so I had to shout at him to a ttract his attention- obviously a man's voice but he was so pleased he hadn't lost his credit cards that he didn't seem to notice.

It was a real buzz again . I love being Gabby in public.
xx