AN UPDATE

Just an update. I've been going to Pink Punters about every two weeks for some time now and am loving it. I can totally relax there, dance as I wish and act as I want without feeling that I have to moderate my behaviour, appearance or activities just because I'm actually a guy and may upset others. I get a few strange looks by irregular attendees but on the whole everyone treats me fairly and without prejudice.

I actually like people who are confused by my appearance (and dancing) to ask me questions.

One gay young man told me he was gay and liked men but couldn't understand why I would want to dress up as a female. A club is not the ideal place for a long detailed discussion but I told him that inwardly I was far more comfortable as a female and loved to be treated that way.

I suppose it is a signal to outsiders how you want to be perceived and treated. But really it is about how I feel and I wear clothes that I feel good in, not to cater for anybody else's tastes, although it is very enjoyable to receive compliments.

I now wear eye make up and lipstick quite often when I am out and about, still dressed in drab.

So far people have been far more tolerant than I expected and of course they are more preoccupied with their own busy lives. I would like to put myself forward to publicise the problems transgendered people face. Unfortunately I have to consider the feelings of my family and wouldn't want to cause them any anguish by being more in the public eye.

Having accepted my feminine side I can now be happier being a guy and appreciating everything

that is good and enjoyable for guys. Most men are different and likewise most women are different. However, so many women can be bitchy- its part of their genetic make-up- whereas men will generally have a confrontation with another man and sort any problems in a direct and more final way. I am no bitch (despite the way I am treated!) but neither do I resolve things directly. I just hate conflict.

I have come into more contact with transgendered men who are transitioning. One part of me feels very worried for them. The other part of me admires their courage to change their lives so drastically in order to be happy. I've recently read that all transgendered, whatever they label themselves, can only be happy if they transition and if they call themselves " bi-gendered", they are kidding themselves that they will be happy that way.

I consider myself bi-gendered and could never see my self transitioning but it is food for thought.

Gabriela

xx