The trouble with closets
THIS DRAFT WAS WRITTEN ABOUT FOUR MONTHS EARLIER, BEFORE MY FIRST OUTING EN FEMME
Er... if you are a plumber you have been misled by Google. On the other hand if you are a plumber and a transvestite, hang around or take a seat, no not THAT one, not the throne.
I am a closet trannie so I've never been out dressed as a girl. That's OK to get rid of some stress, OK, a lot of stress and one can make friends with other trannies on the Internet. That cannot be the same as going out dressed en femme and meeting other trannies.
It's a damned sight easier staying at home as one can pretend one doesn't see a bit of stubble in the closet. But getting your tits out, putting on the glitz and going means that you have to make a real effort if you are not to be laughed out. I went to Pink Punters a few weeks ago to the Girls' Night Out (previously Big Night Out).
I was dressed en drab but still had a good time. I probably spooked out a couple of trannies by chatting to them because I was en drab. Especially the poor ( and very attractive) gurl dressed in black who was sat in the corner and I said ( like you do) " Are you on your own or have you just escaped from a group?"
"Are you on your own?"OMG ! That is a chat up line so she must have been a bit phased but was none-the-less polite. If you were that gurl, I apologise and by the way, where did you get that great dress?
OK I digress, sorry. My point is: Being in the closet is rotten because no-one gets to tell you how gorgeous your clothes are or how well you may pass. It's rotten because you have to hide your girlie habits; you don't get to meet like minded transgendered folks; You can't dance on a dance floor like a girl; You are undermining your own personality because of an element of guilt- a guilty secret; You don't go out as you want to be seen; you miss out on friends.
The alternative is harder- You need to overcome your fear of being ridiculed or outed or spotted by friends or neighbours. You need to put in hours of preparation and you've got to convince your Significant Other that it's a good idea to go en femme.
What should I do? Find like minded gurls to go out with to make the pain less. Have a few stiff drinks. Get some friendly/professional advice on clothes and make up. Convince yourself you are worth it.
POST SCRIPT
Since my draft post I have been out several times en femme. I didn't experience any problems with other members of the public. I felt liberated. I know I didn't pass and I did get a few strange looks but only out of curiosity (maybe it was like"Do I know that guy?").
It was worth the risk. The adrenaline rush was fantastic . A whole new world was opened up for me. Well, people have often asked what planet I'm on. It took a lot of nerve, I won't say it was easy but I will ask " Why the hell didn't I do it before?" (That's a rhetorical question by the way, I don't often ask myself questions- ha! as if I would know the answers!)
So if you are in the same boat, don't worry, don't get cold feet, just jump in with both feet. Well, you will get cold feet because you are in a boat and the water will be very cold, unless you are lucky to be in a hot climate and then you wouldn't be in the same boat as me.
If you are planning for your first outing en femme:
DO make a big effort to look good.
DO get help from other trannies, other genetic girls or even geriatric girls.
DO try to meet up with others before you go so that you don't get cold feet ( see above- no pun intended).
Don't worry that you won't pass- that is not the point, the point is to make an effort.
Don't panic: Do smile nicely to everyone.
Don't try to ape the mannerisms of a genetic girl.
DO try to act less like a bloke ( Sitting with legs astride, swearing loudly, leering at women and farting is less acceptable in a dress).
Do take a handbag and a purse.
Don't take all your make up with you.
Don't try to talk in a Monty Python falsetto voice.
Do lower the volume of your voice.
Don't drink pints (or if you must , make it pints of Bacardi Breezer or Creme de Menthe).
Do enjoy yourself.
Don't keep thinking people are staring at you , they probably are but won't want you to notice them, or they may be admiring your outfit or wondering why your tights are over your dress.
Don't worry:what's the worst thing that can happen to you?
OK, apart from being snogged by a burly barrel-chested drunk called Kevin?
Gabriela Julie Budd
xx
Saturday, December 13, 2008
Monday, December 01, 2008
Afro: dis 'ere ok?
I have recently bought a lot of ladies' clothes and decided I would stop for a few weeks.
Well, I wasn't going to buy anything for Gabriela but you can't put a good woman down. Well, you can and you can have your own way with her but I digress. I passed an African shop that advertised wigs for black women so I looked in the shop window then walked away.
As I walked on Gabriela started whispering in my ear" Wouldn't it be fun if..."
I said "No." I didn't have the bottle for it as I would be too embarrassed." But as Gabriela said, no-one knew me there and so what?
I found myself walking into the shop which was badly stocked and sold some extravagant African foods and mostly hair attachments. I asked to see some Afro wigs and the woman said the ones in the window were the only ones left.
There was a bright red Afro wig and a kind of mixed-race -coloured Afro one. I said I wanted a black one. She suggested the mixed race one, very calmly. She didn't see red.
She added that she had another customer who wanted to buy it that morning but didn't have the money on her and that she might come back for it . I smiled and said that I wouldn't want to disappoint her, to which Ms Africa said " It's a really nice wig, who is it for?
I said it was for me and she looked puzzled and smiled back. I said it was for dressing up for me.
She still looked puzzled and I said " You know? Dressing up!" So she laughed. I told her that I wasn't sure but could I try it on and she went to get me a mirror.
Just then two black guys came in . I said I would wait until they'd gone and pretended to inspect wigs. She laughed with them and one of them held her in his arms. they were all joking and smiled at me so I joined in whichever joke it was.
I assumed she had told them and they were all saying how kinky I must be.
They eventually left ( good job as I'd run out of wigs, exotic fruits and empty shelves ).
When I tried the Afro on it looked really good, well when you don't have any hair, any wig looks good. So I got a bargain: £23. Considering a friend had paid £10 for a really crap one looking like a Black & White Minstrel who had a massive electric shock then had a severe perm.
So I was good really. I hardly bought anything. Just one piece...a hair piece.
xx
I have recently bought a lot of ladies' clothes and decided I would stop for a few weeks.
Well, I wasn't going to buy anything for Gabriela but you can't put a good woman down. Well, you can and you can have your own way with her but I digress. I passed an African shop that advertised wigs for black women so I looked in the shop window then walked away.
As I walked on Gabriela started whispering in my ear" Wouldn't it be fun if..."
I said "No." I didn't have the bottle for it as I would be too embarrassed." But as Gabriela said, no-one knew me there and so what?
I found myself walking into the shop which was badly stocked and sold some extravagant African foods and mostly hair attachments. I asked to see some Afro wigs and the woman said the ones in the window were the only ones left.
There was a bright red Afro wig and a kind of mixed-race -coloured Afro one. I said I wanted a black one. She suggested the mixed race one, very calmly. She didn't see red.
She added that she had another customer who wanted to buy it that morning but didn't have the money on her and that she might come back for it . I smiled and said that I wouldn't want to disappoint her, to which Ms Africa said " It's a really nice wig, who is it for?
I said it was for me and she looked puzzled and smiled back. I said it was for dressing up for me.
She still looked puzzled and I said " You know? Dressing up!" So she laughed. I told her that I wasn't sure but could I try it on and she went to get me a mirror.
Just then two black guys came in . I said I would wait until they'd gone and pretended to inspect wigs. She laughed with them and one of them held her in his arms. they were all joking and smiled at me so I joined in whichever joke it was.
I assumed she had told them and they were all saying how kinky I must be.
They eventually left ( good job as I'd run out of wigs, exotic fruits and empty shelves ).
When I tried the Afro on it looked really good, well when you don't have any hair, any wig looks good. So I got a bargain: £23. Considering a friend had paid £10 for a really crap one looking like a Black & White Minstrel who had a massive electric shock then had a severe perm.
So I was good really. I hardly bought anything. Just one piece...a hair piece.
xx
Wednesday, October 08, 2008
OVER AND OUT
OK. It's over. I'm out of the closet. Well, I went out en femme for the first time in any case. So that's out of the tranny closet as far as I am concerned. Everyone told me it would be great and I believed them. They were right. I can't remember when I had so much fun going out.
In fact I went out twice in a very short space of time- both times to Pink Punters. A really wonderful friend encouraged me to get dressed as a girl and go out, lent me some clothes and took me there. Thank you! I am eternally grateful.
I won't bore you with the details but I danced, learnt to like bacardi breezers, met a few other trannies and a lesbian or two ( well you can never tell can you?), danced, chatted and laughed.
The bar staff there are fantastic as are all the staff there. They really make you feel, well ,not at home but at a great place where you are liked.
I loved being able to get my purse out to buy drinks. To carry my handbag around and to apply my makeup in the toilets. I even applied it in the girls' toilets and no-one batted an eyelid,well they were batting eyelids, staring into the mirror, adjusting skirts and frantically trying to make themselves even more gorgeous than they were. A couple of the genetic girls looked back at me for a second then carried on adjusting skirts. Perhaps I shouldn't have gone in the ladies' but I had a few drinks and was on such a high in any case that I wanted to experience everything womanly. Well, not everything! Just the going out bits.
On arrival at the club we were greeted by the bouncers with "Evening ladies, have a great night" To hear someone say that remark to me felt really great. It was like a protective welcome from a big brother to a little sister and I'd never experienced that before, quite a reversal of my normal experience.
I felt safe,welcome and as the night wore on even a bit tarty. Alcohol can make one feel like a king, in my case like a bloody princess. My feminine side was having a field day. Something I thought would never really materialise.
It was a sense of elation. I love Julie! Or Gabriela, whatever my femme name is now. To feel accepted even knowing that I wouldn't pass, even on a foggy night in the queue for the opticians, was a wonderful feeling.
My friend was great, dancing away and making sure I felt great, even lent me some lipstick when I needed it.
The basement dance floor was booming with noise that shook the giant speakers off the floor. there was some pole dancing and lots of chat everywhere.
We spoke to some girls who refused to be categorised as Goths or non-Goths. They were pretty cool. We also spoke to a poor lass who had spent £150 getting a taxi from Watford that night. She had only heard about PP that day and didn't even know where Milton Keynes was. She was very worried about her sexual orientation. So we told her just to be herself, that everyone is different. She was sat there amongst trannies. I am sure we put her straight.
I didn't see a drink in her hand so I asked if she was drinking. She said yes. I couldn't see any drink, so I said WHAT are you drinking? So she said "thank you very much, I'll have a bacardi and coke". I fell for that one didn't I?
So. It's over. No more waiting to go out for the first time. And I'm out, even though to only a few.
It's the start of the yellow brick road to the end of the rainbow. The tin man, the straw man and the lion got what they wanted all along: it was a no brainer to go out en femme. A new lease of life and I felt like a new man just accepting my feminine side and I got the courage to go out.
Thank you to my friend, to Pink Punters and it's punters.
Gabriela Julie Budd
xx
OK. It's over. I'm out of the closet. Well, I went out en femme for the first time in any case. So that's out of the tranny closet as far as I am concerned. Everyone told me it would be great and I believed them. They were right. I can't remember when I had so much fun going out.
In fact I went out twice in a very short space of time- both times to Pink Punters. A really wonderful friend encouraged me to get dressed as a girl and go out, lent me some clothes and took me there. Thank you! I am eternally grateful.
I won't bore you with the details but I danced, learnt to like bacardi breezers, met a few other trannies and a lesbian or two ( well you can never tell can you?), danced, chatted and laughed.
The bar staff there are fantastic as are all the staff there. They really make you feel, well ,not at home but at a great place where you are liked.
I loved being able to get my purse out to buy drinks. To carry my handbag around and to apply my makeup in the toilets. I even applied it in the girls' toilets and no-one batted an eyelid,well they were batting eyelids, staring into the mirror, adjusting skirts and frantically trying to make themselves even more gorgeous than they were. A couple of the genetic girls looked back at me for a second then carried on adjusting skirts. Perhaps I shouldn't have gone in the ladies' but I had a few drinks and was on such a high in any case that I wanted to experience everything womanly. Well, not everything! Just the going out bits.
On arrival at the club we were greeted by the bouncers with "Evening ladies, have a great night" To hear someone say that remark to me felt really great. It was like a protective welcome from a big brother to a little sister and I'd never experienced that before, quite a reversal of my normal experience.
I felt safe,welcome and as the night wore on even a bit tarty. Alcohol can make one feel like a king, in my case like a bloody princess. My feminine side was having a field day. Something I thought would never really materialise.
It was a sense of elation. I love Julie! Or Gabriela, whatever my femme name is now. To feel accepted even knowing that I wouldn't pass, even on a foggy night in the queue for the opticians, was a wonderful feeling.
My friend was great, dancing away and making sure I felt great, even lent me some lipstick when I needed it.
The basement dance floor was booming with noise that shook the giant speakers off the floor. there was some pole dancing and lots of chat everywhere.
We spoke to some girls who refused to be categorised as Goths or non-Goths. They were pretty cool. We also spoke to a poor lass who had spent £150 getting a taxi from Watford that night. She had only heard about PP that day and didn't even know where Milton Keynes was. She was very worried about her sexual orientation. So we told her just to be herself, that everyone is different. She was sat there amongst trannies. I am sure we put her straight.
I didn't see a drink in her hand so I asked if she was drinking. She said yes. I couldn't see any drink, so I said WHAT are you drinking? So she said "thank you very much, I'll have a bacardi and coke". I fell for that one didn't I?
So. It's over. No more waiting to go out for the first time. And I'm out, even though to only a few.
It's the start of the yellow brick road to the end of the rainbow. The tin man, the straw man and the lion got what they wanted all along: it was a no brainer to go out en femme. A new lease of life and I felt like a new man just accepting my feminine side and I got the courage to go out.
Thank you to my friend, to Pink Punters and it's punters.
Gabriela Julie Budd
xx
Sunday, August 31, 2008
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
An itch in time makes me feel fine.
Well, you can't keep a good girl down. After my last post I carried on working but something didn't seem right. Then it struck me: I'm at home all alone and I am dressed in drab.
The red dress mist had descended upon me and I wanted to put on my glad rags.
So I'm going to have to succumb.
Is there a gene, carrying cross-dressing desires, the same way you itch for a fag ? ( Stop it! You know I mean ciggie). Did blogging bring the idea into my head? Or did I just want to get out of working for a bit and this was a good excuse?
Who cares a fuck? I'm doing it anyway! See you later.
xx
Well, you can't keep a good girl down. After my last post I carried on working but something didn't seem right. Then it struck me: I'm at home all alone and I am dressed in drab.
The red dress mist had descended upon me and I wanted to put on my glad rags.
So I'm going to have to succumb.
Is there a gene, carrying cross-dressing desires, the same way you itch for a fag ? ( Stop it! You know I mean ciggie). Did blogging bring the idea into my head? Or did I just want to get out of working for a bit and this was a good excuse?
Who cares a fuck? I'm doing it anyway! See you later.
xx
And That's a fact.
I've been singing along to " Young , gifted and black " with gay abandon ,knowing full well I'll never be the first description again and will never be the middle or last descriptions. Then again as a tranny you can willingly suspend disbelief without too much effort.
I've been singing along to " Young , gifted and black " with gay abandon ,knowing full well I'll never be the first description again and will never be the middle or last descriptions. Then again as a tranny you can willingly suspend disbelief without too much effort.
You are what you are. Sometimes you are what you eat ( or how much of it you've eaten at least). A tranny is what he thinks she is. To me, it is being a more emotional person , having a more glitsy wardrobe and letting my brain forget what my body says I should be. Oh, and having more fun , dancing without caring what I look like ( actually, that's a lie. I want to look girli cool), enjoying shopping and liking myself for what I am. Anyway, " Old, untalented and Caucasian " would never catch on as a song.
xx
Wednesday, January 09, 2008
Happy New Year again
Well, I did wish everyone a happy new year but must have been a bit pissed cause it's not here.
Sorry and belated Happy New Year.
Went for a meal on boxing day and some of us were late, so by the time we ordered, all the other customers had gone home. The staff were nice though, even though they wanted to shut the restaurant ( part of a pub).
Food was a bit uncooked but we didn't feel it right to complain. Then we were told the chef and assistant chef had, earlier that day, smashed their car which ended in a ditch. They couldn't get cover for their jobs so had to come in to cook. The chef could only use one arm and the other guy was still suffering from shock. So it was a good job we kept our lips sealed ( lip gloss is best).
Keep your posts coming in . Ha!
Tell me what you've been up to and what you looking forward to this year. I'm looking to go out as Julie this year, finally , for the first time.
xx
Well, I did wish everyone a happy new year but must have been a bit pissed cause it's not here.
Sorry and belated Happy New Year.
Went for a meal on boxing day and some of us were late, so by the time we ordered, all the other customers had gone home. The staff were nice though, even though they wanted to shut the restaurant ( part of a pub).
Food was a bit uncooked but we didn't feel it right to complain. Then we were told the chef and assistant chef had, earlier that day, smashed their car which ended in a ditch. They couldn't get cover for their jobs so had to come in to cook. The chef could only use one arm and the other guy was still suffering from shock. So it was a good job we kept our lips sealed ( lip gloss is best).
Keep your posts coming in . Ha!
Tell me what you've been up to and what you looking forward to this year. I'm looking to go out as Julie this year, finally , for the first time.
xx
Thursday, January 03, 2008
Found It!
Ah! I found it. I must have been pissed not to find my Happy New Year post! Here it is in full black and white:
Happy New Year to all my fans and friends!
OK, to my friends then.
I didn't realise how much I've been missing my blogging.
I've been spending money on girlie clothes, mostly department stores but a first at a local charity shop. I was in drab but I spent so long rummaging around, looking at sizes and bought so many bits that it was pretty obvious it was for me. Nice woman didn't blink and served me poilitely.
Has any Tgirl ever been treated with the utmost disrespect by shop assistants? All the accounts I have read have been positive (as has been my alcohol readings by traffic cops).
I've had so many dinners and staff parties that my dress size has shot up, so now I have to work off the calories. I've been quite good though, Most of the chocolate boxes are still unopened...
...blah blah blah I wished I hadn't found it now. What a boring old tart.
xx
Ah! I found it. I must have been pissed not to find my Happy New Year post! Here it is in full black and white:
Happy New Year to all my fans and friends!
OK, to my friends then.
I didn't realise how much I've been missing my blogging.
I've been spending money on girlie clothes, mostly department stores but a first at a local charity shop. I was in drab but I spent so long rummaging around, looking at sizes and bought so many bits that it was pretty obvious it was for me. Nice woman didn't blink and served me poilitely.
Has any Tgirl ever been treated with the utmost disrespect by shop assistants? All the accounts I have read have been positive (as has been my alcohol readings by traffic cops).
I've had so many dinners and staff parties that my dress size has shot up, so now I have to work off the calories. I've been quite good though, Most of the chocolate boxes are still unopened...
...blah blah blah I wished I hadn't found it now. What a boring old tart.
xx
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