GABRIELA JULIE'S LAME EXCUSES FOR NOT GOING TO WORK Number 001

" I'm sorry I can't come into work because I can't get my red nail varnish off."

I was messing about with my digital camera and decided to have fun and was creating a kind of cartoon character. A mackerel who a is a prostitute ( OK ,I've got a vivid imagination but actually someone else suggested the image- Honest!) she wears a smock and wears a sailor's hat... well anyway this character wears bright red nail varnish of course.

After taking a few photos I decided to go to bed as it was late and couldn't be bothered to take off the red nail varnish. I overslept so was pushed for time and I couldn't find the f*%%^ing nail varnish remover. I tried the baby wipes, that made the nail varnish much cleaner. Great!

Not unduly worried I searched the shed for some white spirit, without success.
After swearing at every room and most pieces of furniture I eventually found it.
Now, I don't know if my white spirit was cheap, well actually I do, I wouldn't spend more than I had to on just some white spirit. But I digress. It took me five minutes to remove about half off my thumb. Half of the varnish that is. I'm not walking around with half a thumb missing.

So I called in sick.

I still needed to get the varnish off so needed to buy some varnish remover but did not want to be seen around the shops whilst still wearing it.
So I had a cunning plan: I would wear gloves. OR rather a glove as I lost one of the pair...

So I managed to find a nice new black pair of gloves in H & M. The plan was to have the money ready in my back pocket, keep my ungloved hand in my left hand pocket, hand over the new gloves to the shop assistant and then take out my money from my right back pocket with the same hand. I could have just used both hands and suffered a bit of embarrassment and laughed it off but why make things simple when you can make life interesting?

Well, when I went to take my ten pound note from my back pocket, my glove was so thick that I could not feel the money properly. The assistant waited patiently whilst I tried desperately to get hold of the money. The queue was starting to fidget and pretend they weren't staring at me. One girl gave up her attempt to stop smoking. Another started practising her deep breathing technique. Eventually I got the money out and everyone was relieved and I managed to slip away unnoticed, apart from the ten people behind me.
Of course I needed some shopping therapy after that. I went to the drugstore., bought nail varnish remover hair accessories for my wig, two nice leather coats from a charity shop and I found this fantastic pair of pink and purple reading glasses with cats' eyes frames. Don't ask!

OK . Well, I had this idea for another real life cartoon type character. Mrs Charade, a char lady with marigolds, apron, headscarf and rollers. So I started messing around with my digital camera...

Gabriela Julie Budd

xx