View from a bridge- too far?



I have crossed a bridge. I split up with my partner a few months ago and am now in a different place. It is never easy when you make a major change in your life as there is so much uncertainty and ripples spread far and wide.


With a little bit of distance I can now see the whole picture with less detail but with a better idea how things were. I know I have crossed the bridge and have made a few changes which reflect my character and needs. Yet you still need to look from the bridge to survey the other side and reflect on it. Then I realise that the other side of the bridge is still familiar and hasn't changed. I have moved on and I have changed.



It is said that people change in seven year cycles and that would fit in with what has happened to me. But I'm still not going to tell you my real age. Mind you, now you know it is a multiple of 7. Damn!



What are these changes? Are you really interested? Nah! Didn't think so. Anyway they are private. That's why I'm posting this on a website for everyone to read.



So,to ensure that this post isn't a complete waste of space and to finish on a human interest topic, I will tell you that my ex has bought a new puppy ( well I suppose they are all pretty newish). Yeah, puppy love and all those puns. Sorry, I'm not in the mood for puns and this post is not a time for cheap jokes. Just time to look back and admire the view before I cross the next bridge.

xx

Am I getting a bit predictable here?
Big Night Out :Yet another night at Pink Punters

The place was packed with trannies. perhaps there should be a proper group name , you know like a pack of wolves. Maybe a tranche of trannies or a frock of trannies.

Upstairs it was particularly full. There were, of course a number of gays and lesbians but, as far as I could tell, few non-LGBT types.

The clothes worn by the trannies were not risque like the previous Friday. There were a lot of glamorous gurls there and some of the outfits were superb. In fact I didn't see any badly dressed gurls there. There were quite a few convincing ones and quite a few over 6 ft tall. One was a giant. She made me look very small even wearing my heels. I take my hat off to them, it must be particularly difficult when you are that tall or heavily built.

As usual I danced until my feet were sore then danced some more. A couple of gay young men from Essex, Mike and Lee asked me why I did it (i.e. why was I dressed as a girl). Mike said it all seemed very strange to him and had never seen anything like it (trannies) before. I told him I didn't choose to do it, it was an urge that was almost impossible to ignore and told him how I started when I was about 10.

Mike's partner Lee, said the same. They were gay and could understand that but to dress as the opposite sex was just weird. Unfortunately Lee behaved as an arsehole ( Sorry Lee but you did). He tried to lift my wig and poked me in the bra. I slapped his hand (well, I had to be ladylike didn't I? ha!)and told him I would report him to the management if he didn't behave. After that he was fine. I just put it down to alcohol , I am sure he is normally a great guy.

A young bunch of pretty lesbians came up to me and asked if I went with men or girls and I told them "girls". They all looked astounded as they assumed I would go with boys/men. I took that as a compliment.


I met Audrie and Hayley who were the nicest people you could meet.They persuaded me to dance some more with them and their group. Audrie is a scream. She is a party animal. After she persuaded me to get up and dance she started showing me how to dance what I can only describe as sexy women's dance moves: gyrating the hips and kind of belly dancing. I just laughed but she kept on and so for fun I copied her moves. I felt so silly at first but then just let go and enjoyed it. Next it was a move where I had to pull my shoulders back and shimmy. What a scream! Thank you for a great time girls.

A Spanish guy, Romario or something joined us. He started trying to chat up Audrie without any luck.

Audrie said to me 'No, you must not dance like that (My Gabriela Julie dance moves :thrashing my arms out, etc.) that's crap. Gays must dance like this (showing me her womanly moves)" So I told her I wasn't actually gay. She was so surprised! Then she gave me a big hug. Ha! They thought they had adopted a gay tranny.


Romario was not going to give up easily. He kept dancing right up to Audrie and eventually she literally run away. Then Romario turned his attention on Hayley. She managed to disappear.

What I hadn't expected was his attention turning on to me! He must have been desperate or much more drunk than he looked! Help!

I always thought that if a guy paid me any attention as Gabriela it would really give me a good feeling as it would mean I had " passed". The truth was quite the opposite. OK, dancing next to me was not a problem , but really guys- I'm not interested.

OK , it was really a mixed feeling.
I suppose it was a compliment with hindsight and it was a big boost for the ego that I had kind of "passed" but at the time I felt uncomfortable.

Actually now I have had time to reflect, surely every tranny wants to be admired? That's what we are: narcissists wanting some attention. That's why we make such a big effort to look right. That's why we take copious photos of ourselves in different outfits. We are seeking the compliments of our peers and anybody else who happens to be around.

So if a guy pays some attention it is something that we have been trying to achieve, even if it is only subconsciously. We are being treated as a woman and that's what we want. Maybe we only want the attention and nothing else but maybe we haven't thought it through.


So I will look back at that and take it as a compliment. It has certainly boosted my confidence as a tranny. Another first for the old girl then!

Another outing to Pink Punters.

It was a good night out on Saturday at PP . I met some diverse characters, danced a lot and chatted with a group of trannies who were all very friendly.

I got there without any "mishap" - well apart from mislaying my brush, so that I had a rather natural look.The place got busy quickly. I checked my make-up , bought a drink and soon a birthday group arrived and I ended up dancing with most of the women in the group.

After many dances I went upstairs and met a tranny admirer, a first -time out tranny named Sarah and the outrageous Lindsey Maybe, who had been going to PP for 5 years, Roxy who did pole dancing and was wearing thigh high pillar-box red PVC boots, a see through red top that seemed to finish as the skimpiest possible see-through skirt and huge boobs. As the top was see-through the boobs seemed to be coming at you. Nice one Roxy!

I danced with several pairs of lesbians and later the owner, Frank bought me a coke and had his photo taken with me! Fame at last! Ha!
I had just read about his Range Rover being set on fire in his car park and when I mentioned this he just shrug his shoulders in a " It happens" sort of way. That's pretty cool.

A gay young man spilt his drink over my latest handbag. I bought it when I went to a retro shop in London , he was really apologetic and said that normally he was really, really nice (hic!) and wouldn't do that. I kept saying it was OK and then he gave me a big hug!

Two of the trannies started dancing next to me and I was really embarrassed- by their dancing. Ha!
I stayed until 5:00.
Did I say no mishaps?
Well, I took the car key off the ring of keys intending to put the rest of the keys in the car, but forgot about it and left my home keys...at home.
So at 5:45 in the morning I was still in full makeup and frocked and I couldn't get into my house without breaking in and waking all th eneighbours. I had visions of going to find someone to change the locks on my house. I rang my ex who had a spare key to my front door. Phew!

I love putting make up on but not taking it off. But you can't have one without the other.

PINK PUNTERS- Another outing

Getting Ready

I shaved my armpits for the first time ever and I had to shave a bit more of my chest hair than normal as the top I was wearing was quite low, lower than other tops I've worn. This is no big deal for regular trannies who do clubs, but for me it was.

I didn't get to buy any batteries so I don't have any pictures. I know ! I know! Call myself a tranny!

I wanted to wear something different and after trying different combinations I wore some velvet trousers which I thought looked sensational and were a delight to wear. I must have lost some more weight since I first tried them on as they kept slipping down and towards the end I kept getting my heels caught in the hems so ended up holding my trousers legs as I danced.

Steady!

It was funny. First of all it took me ages to get ready- 2 1/2 hours. Then I realised the car was not parked outside the house but on the main road. So I walked up to the car all glammed up. I had to wear my high heels as otherwise my trousers would have been caught underneath my shoes and I would have fallen over, so it would not have been a wise move. Anyway, there was a guy across the road who saw me. Luckily it was dark and not particularly well lit up.

Trouble is most people around these parts are short and ( dare I say I) not slim and not about 6 ft 3 in heels. On top of that I usually park my car on the same spot. Oh well, if I'm outed I'm not ashamed.

Go
I changed my shoes and found a faster route to Pink Punters. Just before I got there my petrol light came on. I didn't want to risk running out of petrol later on especially as most of the garages would be closed. So I had to brave it. I put my heels back on otherwise the trousers would have been too long. As I was filling the petrol I could see the shop assistant looking at me intensely.

There were other cars around and there were four guys in and around their blue BMW. I had to walk right past them. the shop assistant was very good and just said " You' re alright mate "as I gave him the money.

Then as the BMW pulled away it tooted at me! That was a first time for me and I felt quite chuffed by it. When I told my friend I was told that I should have told the garage assistant to call me "Madam" and that I should have blown the Boys in Blue Car a kiss. Why didn't I think of that? I have no class.

In the Slow Lane

Inside PP I checked my make up and hair, got a drink and went upstairs. There were only a few trannies in PP at that time - about two others.

It started getting busy and I joined in the dancing for quite a while on my own. I find it easy now, just do my own thing and not worry about it. Then I went back upstairs to rest my feet. There was a group of real women there and one of them said " Aw, what's wrong?" As I was on my own. "I'm just resting my feet". " Well do you want a dance? Come on" then she said " well I have to go to the loo first so I'll see you a bit later"

After I had finished my drink I bought another and took it down where it was pinched. I should have learnt that lesson by now: don't put your drink down unless you are going to watch it like a hawk.

Cruising

The same woman had first said to me " Cabby? What sort of name is that?Are you are taxi driver or something?" Then later said " Oh there's Gabby and she beckoned me over and I joined them dancing. After a bit she said here's Eileen , have a dance with her. Eileen was younger and good looking. She smiled and started dancing with me, twirled herself then twirled me! I must admit I quite liked that.

We had a few dances then the older woman ( sorry darling, forgot your name) said " Will you help me find my friend" I thought she said her boyfriend . Eventually we found her friend Lisa and another girl. They looked at me and were both very friendly giving me compliments about my outfit and make up. I thought that was really considerate and nice of them. Lisa said that she had drank a lot but wanted to dance. She took my hand, rather like a man would take a girl's hand. She was tall and well built (not fat) and led me inside. Then she said she wanted to go to the loo first and would I go with her. So I did, thinking this was very odd but she must have had quite a few drinks.

In the fast lane

After we talked a bit I found out that she has a regular boyfriend but also enjoys other girls. I offered to buy her a drink and she said that she didn't want me to think that I could " pull" her as she was in a relationship. I told her that I was buying it as a friend, that I was in a relationship and I wouldn't try to pull anyone. I just wanted to have good time chatting and dancing. She gave me a big smile and told me that was wonderful. So all her group., I assume, were either bi-sexual or lesbians even though they didn't dress in a butch way.

Lisa told me her best friend , with whom she had been chatting to had been in prison " For being a heroin addict" but was a fantastic friend and person.

So they may have been deciding to get themselves a new bitch and were eyeing me up .Ha!

There is definitely an affinity beteen lesbians and trannies. I think lesbians don't see trannies as a threat and perhaps their macho behaviour makes them naturally want to treat trannies as a " weaker sex" . As Gabby I like to be treated as a girl so the lesbians' protective attitude is quite acceptable to me. Does that sound strange?

That group left soon after and Lisa didn't want to go as she wanted to chat and dance with me but eventually she left.

Back in the Slow Lane

You know when you wait for buses... well the other group was a hen party. There were a few gay men with the group as well. I was just dancing when a couple of the women in that party started dancing next to me, then with me and they really enjoyed the dances. I couldn't chat much because of the noise but I danced until 4:50!! Yay!

I am so glad I went out and that I went there. I wouldn't have felt comfortable in an ordinary club and I am sure I wouldn't have talked to so many people, plus of course I wouldn't get dressed up as Gabby to go to those places. There were a few more trannies later- a total of about seven.

I'm realising now that most people are not prejudiced and if I act in a bold way laughing at myself I get a positive reaction. That's what I did last night, put on a brave front and smiled as I went into the garage. If I ever get tooted at again darling I will blow them a kiss.

Last night I also danced with a few gays and I think a couple of them may have been straight as well. They just came up to me and started dancing in front of me so I just went along with it. There was one beefy guy who danced up to me but I think he had a gleam in his eye so I quickly danced away! Ha! I don't mind dancing with guys but I'm not interested in them in any way.

There was also a guy dressed as a cowboy. He came close up to me and looked at me. His girlfriend (or maybe just friend) said to me " Don't take any notice of him. He is mad" . Ha! Then he got out his shooter and banged me a few times!

Ha! the funny thing was when he shot his gun a red ball popped out of the barrel of his gun. The irony wasn't lost on me. It reminded me of the tip of a dick.

Another couple were dancing close to me and the guy, another beefy type, told me he loved the way I danced. Wow!! I was on a high. I looked at his girlfriend and she just shrugged her shoulders. Then he came up to me again and offered me what I thought was a shot of vodka. I looked at it and he said something like, well don't just look at it but I couldn't hear properly. I put it in my mouth. it tasted disgusting.

I had no idea what it was so I just turned round and spat it out. Maybe I was supposed to inhale it! It must have been some sort of drug as it had a small label on it and it was the size of a shot of vodka but in an opaque bottle. Perhaps someone can enlighten me. The only reason I took it was because earlier another couple came up to me and were very friendly and had offered me a shot of vodka which was surplus to their requirements.

The man from this couple told me that it was their first date and " Call me old fashioned but I want to make sure this will be a fantastic night for her to remember. " I just whispered in his ears " OMG! I wonder what you mean by that? " and we both laughed.

Because I was in a dress(well OK a velvet pair of wide flared trousers with a black flower attached to the belt, a cream and black flowery low cut top and grey handbag and grey and white thin scarf around my neck) and because I was at PP, everyone was treating me as a girl or at least as someone they could approach as being friendly and open and I suppose they could see I was having a good time dancing oh and er... may have been intrigued by a guy in drag who was having a good time on his/her own.

Overall I think they understood I was expressing my inner self and accepted it. I did go upstairs to chill out now and again but didn't get into any conversations. I bumped into Debbie and her amazingly good-looking tranny partner.

Changing Gear

I was actually thinking of going to PP en drab. I thought to myself " I don't have to get dressed up to have a good time. I can just act as I want and dance as I like" To be honest I wasn't really in the mood to get dressed up but I did want to go out. Once I decided on what to wear and started shaving and getting ready my mood changed. I was really into it and it did give me a big buzz. I think it was because I was going out in public as Gabriela and that side of me would be acknowledged by people. I loved being called " sweetheart" by the gay guy at the cloakroom and "darling" by the young tranny behind the bar and by some of the lesbians. Actually I love being tooted at as well! What am I like!! I might start going there more regularly, its nice now that I recognise a few faces I can say hello to.

Stopped in my tracks

There was one woman who saw me from about five yards whom I recognised. She stared and smiled at me but I don't think she recognised me. I shall soon find out.

The final furlong

Er, sorry for the length of this post. Hope I didn't bore you. I just wanted to remember as many of the details as possible as it was a good night. There were lots of people I danced with and managed to exchange a few words despite the noise: Kirsty( the bride to be), Maria, the Italian

beauty and all the others in the Hen party. The nice young tranny behind the bar in the great top, I am hopeless with names but thank you all for a fabulous night out.

You will notice that there are no puns in this post. Is this the first time I have passed in my posts?

HATS OFF TO JASPER

I had the privilege of being invited to the opening of Stephen Jones's exhibition at the Victoria & Albert Museum on Monday 23 Feb. He is the top hat designer in the UK and probably the world.

I had a really great night . I took lots of photos and even if I say so myself my daughters both looked gorgeous. I was so proud of them! I left my camera in daughter 1's bag so will have to wait until she returns it to me before I can post the photos ( Editor's note :now posted).

Daughter 1 had to finish an article for a website and made daughter 2 go really late because of that. Daughter 2 was standing over her shoulder saying " Send it now! Send it now!". I didn't know how late they would be and waiting outside for about an hour and a half. As I was by the steps, I had a fantastic view of all the celebrities attending. I'm not impressed by celebrities but it was a very satisfying experience.

I just missed out on the oysters as I had been outside most of the time and the last few were given out in front of my nose. The canapes were the smallest I had ever seen but delicious. I liked the cubes of hot beef with parsnip topping (at the time I had no idea what the topping was but it was quite bland) and the warm prawn on seeded biscuit. I will give up describing the food as I am obviously not very good at it.The pink champagne just flowed and flowed and the place itself is magnificent.

I met the husband of one of the girls I work with . He who is an architect currently working in Glasgow. He is in charge of the project to build the new transport museum there. He pointed out one of the main lighting designs in the V & A and told me his boss had designed it.Later I gate crashed Jasper Conran's group at the hotel opposite with my two daughters.

Jasper very kindly paid for our drinks even though he must have been miffed that his boyfriend was giving one of my fellow gate crashers lots of hugs and all the attention. Oops ! Am I dropping names? Honestly I'm not impressed by celebrities and that's what I said to Stephen Jones.

Gabriela Julie Budd does London

I am tired from today's (Weds 25 Feb) journey and lack of sleep. I went out with two real girls. One, Lauren, was visiting from Australia and the other was one of my daughters.

We took a slow train in to Euston, a bus to Holborn, I showed them St. Pancras church, we walked through Scicillian Avenue, I bought Lauren a half pint of Bitter in a quaint Victorian pub with stained glass windows, glass partitions and sectioned off "cubicles",walked to Covent Garden and saw some performers, carried on to Leicester Square and then China Town where we had a really nice meal, we chose between us: boiled rice, crispy duck with pancakes and plum sauce, prawn in a chili and black bean sauce and honey roasted pork.

We carried on walking to Trafalgar Square and saw some of the portraits in The National Gallery, carried on walking to the River Thames and saw Big Ben ( Stop it!!), The Houses of Parliament and Westminster Cathedral. Took a tube to Green Park, walked past The Ritz to Buckingham Palace and The Mall. Walked back through Dover Street where we popped into Dover Street Market - a showroom for lots of designers where we saw a man's jacket priced at £1,530-00.

Next we visited several retro vintage shops in Covent Garden and I bought a nice small tan handbag with a shoulder strap. My daughter bought a basketball shirt and wanted to buy a blue Adidas PVC sports bag for £50. I told her I had thrown out at least two of those when I was younger, one only because the zip wouldn't shut properly.

We had a coffee at Starbucks then took a bus to Piccadilly Circus and Regent Street then walked back to Leicester Square where we went into a funland centre (The Trocadero) where we played table hockey and had a ride on the bumper cars.

Lauren said it was the best day of her holidays and they both took lots of photos. damn! I didn't have a camera. Am I now disqualified for tourist spotting without due care and attention and do I have to give in my tranny licence?